Going Under
by xPhoenix Blackx
Summary: SlashDMHP! Draco is slowly falling away to darkness, only one person can save him and be his guiding light! First few chapters are short, but I have made the others alot longer...enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is my first slash fic! I love reading them and thought, hey why not write one! This is the shortest chapter I've written so far, but I have to have at least five reviews! Yes greedy I know, but what's the point ion writing a fic and no one reads?  
  
Warnings: This is a Harry Potter slash fiction, if you do not like that sort of thing (homosexual relationships) I suggest you don't carry on reading! Do not flame me telling me I'm sick because I do not care and this is your warning! Also anyone who does not like violence, turn back also! You have been warned!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters in this fanfic belong to JK.Rolwing and I am making no money from this!  
  
I slammed into the wall, crumpling to the floor. I whimpered as I looked into the cold face of my Father. I saw the malice in his icy grey eyes as he raised his hand again. I closed my eyes tight, trying to block out the pain, waiting for the next hit. I would not fall. I would not scream. I would hold onto the last shred of dignity I had. I would not give him the pleasure of hearing my pain.  
  
His hand connected with my face and I fell onto all fours, breathing heavily. Blood ran down my face, into my mouth. I spat it out, watching it splatter the grey flag stones. I wiped my mouth and managed to push myself up shakily. I looked into the cold, calculating eyes of my Father. I sighed, knowing that I was easily as strong as him, but I daren't fight back. I knew that if I ever touched him, he would hurt my Mother. I could not stand her in pain. He grabbed me, pinning me against the wall. He leant towards me, pressing his lips against mine. He bit at my lips fiercely, trying to kiss me, but I would not let him. After minutes of his attempts, he pulled away, glaring at me. My lips were sore and close to bleeding.  
  
"My dear son, it'll be less painful if you let me! Well, less painful for your Mother, at least," He drawled. His tone identical to my infamous drawl.  
  
He leant back in, kissing me hard. He ran his hand roughly through my hair as he kissed me with more passion. He brought his hands over my chest and pulled my shirt from me. As he ran his hands over my chest, his nails scratched and dug into my flesh. His kiss moved down to my neck, where he bit into me hungrily. He pulled me across the room and slammed me down onto the bed.  
  
"Darling," My Mother's voice drifted up the stairs, like that of an angel," Someone from the Ministry to see you."  
  
My Father's head snapped around quickly. He turned back to me and glared.  
  
"I'll be back to finish this later," He hissed and left swiftly, slamming the door.  
  
I lay on my bed, starring up into the darkness. I was exhausted and ached all over. I slammed my fist down onto the mattress angrily.  
  
If only you could see me now, Potter! My arrogance has been ripped away from me! My soul left bare! If only you were here! You could see me Potter, lying here in pain, just like the pain I inflict upon you. You could see the bruises tarnishing my delicate skin. Maybe they would heal the bruises I put upon your soul. If only you could see the Great Draco Malfoy now! 


	2. Darkness

A/N: Well I couldn't wait to get the next chapter up! I've written a lot of this fic already, I'm on chapter five *celebrates* This is from Harry's POV and I find him really hard to write!  
  
Thank you's to: Touya Koori Tenshi, RAiNbOwGrL22, baby girl and Catmint! You're my first reviewers of this fic, so here this chapter is for you!  
  
Warning: Yes more slash and violence!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK. Rowling! Wished they were mine though (  
  
****  
  
I lie on my bed, clenching my stomach as a new wave of hunger washes over me. Dudley had again stolen my food. I do not mind really, I am used to it. I roll over, facing the wall, closing my eyes in the semi-darkness of my room.  
  
Darkness...ha! I have lost most that I care about to darkness, and I fear I will lose more. A darkness that we cannot escape, no matter how hard we try. I know that now my friends stick by me through fear. I have not had one card from my so-called friends. I would even give anything for a word from Malfoy, my enemy.  
  
"Boy! Get down these stairs now!" The voice of my uncle barked.  
  
I sat up slowly, sighing. Why does he wish to make my life worse then it is already? What have I done to deserve to pain of what I feel now? My only true morsel of family I had left has been stolen from me, and still the pain carries on! The darkness still rips at my soul like a ravenous wolf.  
  
I walk slowly down the stairs, fearing the worse. I walk into the living room, and I am slightly fazed by the bright lights. My aunt, uncle and cousin sit starring at me as though I am alien.  
  
"Explain..." My uncle barked, pointing at a letter.  
  
I glanced down at the letter, but did not recognise the hand-writing. Still, a light flicked inside of me. I looked at my Uncle innocently.  
  
"Well, it's a letter. You know those things you get in the post or by..." I stopped, knowing I had gone too far, seeing the colour of my Uncle's face, going from red to deep plum.  
  
"I KNOW WHAT IT IS!" He roared, "BUT WHY IS THE OWL DROPPING IT ON ME?!"  
  
I stood, watching him. I had no answer. He thrust the letter into my hands and dragged me up the stairs. He threw me into my room where I slammed into the wall. He followed me in, slamming the door. I looked up at him wondering what he was about to do.  
  
He lifted his fist and hit me across my face.  
  
"I've had enough of this freakiness!" He hissed. I looked at him fearfully. This was the first time he had touched me like that.  
  
He pulled me up and pushed me against the wall. I glared at him, not letting myself fall. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing my pain. His hands slipped into my hair and he lowered his face to mine.  
  
His lips closed around mine and he started kissing me. I stood in shock, as his hands slipped around my body, violating every part of me.  
  
The darkness crept over my new found light. I cannot stop myself from going under.  
  
Hours later I lie on my bed, again starring into the darkness. A single tear slips down my face.  
  
If only you could see me now, Malfoy! My pride has been stolen from me. My soul left bare. Only you were here! You could see me Malfoy, lying here in pain, just like the pain I know I inflict upon you. You could see the bruises tarnishing my delicate skin. Maybe they would heal the bruises I put upon your soul. If only you could see the Great Harry Potter now!  
  
***  
  
Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! And I can't believe I did that too Harry! It makes me feel sick! Love you guys! 


	3. Bring me to life

A/N: Sorry my dear readers for not updating! I've just been doing a lot of schoolwork!  
  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed!  
  
Warning: Inevitably there is slash, but you don't really mind do you? Well good! And also there is violence too!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK. Rowling!  
  
******************  
  
As I wake up, I hear him enter my room in a drunken state. I turn over, pulling the covers over my head trying to block out what will inevitably happen. I do not know what it is about the cool, soft silk of my covers that comforts me so. I can feel myself trembling as he draws nearer. My covers are ripped off me, and he grabs me, pulling me to my feet. My room is in complete darkness and thankfully I cannot see his face clearly.  
  
"Draco," He breathed. His putrid breath washes over my cheek. The sound of his voice makes me shudder. His hand strokes my cheek gently. He cups my face in his hand and his lips meet mine. He kisses me so gently, as though he is trying to kiss away my pain. The pain that he caused.  
  
I pull away, glaring.  
  
"Get away from me!" I hiss. I see anger flash across his eyes and close mine, expecting the worse. I feel him slap me hard across the face.  
  
"I just want you one more before you go back to school!" He whispered softly, pushing me hard against the wall. He kissed me fiercely this time. I feel him biting at my lips, tearing my flesh away. I try to pull away, but his grip is too tight.  
  
He throws me down on my bed and pulls my top from me. He kisses my chest and neck, working his way to my lips. He bites at my lips, tearing flesh away hungrily. His tongue slips into my mouth and I can taste the foul alcohol on his breath. His hands run over my chest, to my hips. He pulls my hips up so I am pressed against him. I can not stand him against me for much longer. I throw him off me and watch as he hits the cold, black flagstones of my floor. Breathing heavily he stands glaring at me.  
  
"You'll pay for that, my son!" He drawled and left my room.  
  
Minutes later I hear the screams of my mother. I wish I could help her, but I know it will make things worse. For once in my life I am not glad to be leaving Malfoy Manor to Hogwarts. Tomorrow I go and I fear for my mother. I fear for her life, knowing she will suffer because of me! For as long as I can remember my Father has beat me, but the day I fought back he attacked my mother. She was the only person in the world who loved me, and he knew it! He knew what it would do to me, to see her in pain because of my foolish actions. I sink back down onto my bed and pull the covers over my fragile body. My mother's screams slowly die away.  
  
I close my eyes, falling away to darkness. I hope for the one person who can bring me back, bring me to life. Though I know that person will not come. That person hates me. Possibly more then he hates Voldemort. That person is no other, than my own enemy, Harry Potter.  
  
******************* Well, thanks again for reading! I really enjoyed writing this chapter up! Don't forget to review! 


	4. A Silent Plea

A/N: finally got around to updating! Whooo!  
  
Thanks to: mistik-elf13, Lunaris and Yana5  
  
Warning: Yes more slash and a hint of violence!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K Rowling, but then again you knew that!

I roll onto my side and slowly open my eyes. A small slither of light falls across my bedroom floor from the slightly open curtain. I sit up slowly, my body still hurting from the events of last night. I pray that my Uncle has already left for work.  
  
Putting my glasses back on, I glance around my room. The letter I received is lying on the floor. The unknown handwriting glistening in the sun light. I pull myself out of my bed and pick the letter up. I slowly rip the envelope open and pull out the parchment inside. I quickly read the letter. Sitting down in shock, I re-read the letter.  
  
'_Potter,  
I'd be extremely surprised if you knew who was writing to you. You have known me for years, but have never troubled yourself to have a conversation with me, but I hardly think it would be appropriate for us too.  
  
I know you will not care about my troubles because you have to face such a big burden yourself. Yes Potter, I know about the prophecy that has been forged between you and the Dark Lord, but I beg you to listen to my plea.  
  
To look at me, you would not be able to see the monsters that are etched against my soul, against the very fabric of my being. Inside I am screaming, screaming for you to save me! Save me from the monster that haunts me! I've been slipping a thousand years, it seems!  
  
As I write this letter, I can see that it seems like a gesture for you to save me! But I wrote this for my own sanity! I do not need saving, I just needed you to hear what my soul is screaming! Also, I hope this letter shows you that you are needed! Because I need you...even if we hardly speak, just to see you alive keeps me from falling away!  
  
Yours Sincerely,  
  
?  
  
PS. Don't you even think for a minute that I am one of your obsessed fans! This goes deeper then that!'  
_  
I can only think of one person who could have written this letter. The immaculate handwriting and carefully chosen words, with a twist of arrogance could only be one person, but how can it be so? He hates me! And he knows I hate him. I shake my head, laughing at this ridiculous idea.  
  
I read the letter again, but as I reach the last line I hear heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. I shove the letter under my bed, and await the person to enter my room.  
  
My Uncle walks into the room, with a horrible look on his face. I look away, not able to even glance at him. I close my eyes, knowing he will do it again. All thought of the letter escapes my mind.  
  
He grabs me, pulling me to my feet and pushed me into the wardrobe door. I try to break free from his grasp, but his large beefy hands are too strong. He kisses me hard on my lips and presses his weight against me. Struggling to breath, I push him off me. He slams to the floor and glares up at me.  
  
"Big mistake boy..." He hisses. He scrambles up and throws me onto my bed. He hits me hard across the face a couple of times.  
  
"Vernon! Vernon!" My aunt shrieks up the stairs, "The Grant's are here to look at the new car!"  
  
My uncle growled and swiftly left the room.  
  
I close my eyes, falling away to darkness. I hope for the one person who can bring me back, bring me to life. Though I know that person will not come. That person hates me. His hate for me is possibly more then my own hate for Voldemort. That person is no other, than my own enemy, Draco Malfoy.Thanks for reading...next chapter coming soon! But I want some reviews! It really makes my day to know what you guys think! 


	5. Painful Days

Warnings: Violence, but no slash! This is a first for me!  
  
Thanks: Thanks to all my lovely reviewers! It really makes my day to see what you have to say!  
  
Lunaris Lol, I'm addicted to exclamation marks...but reading through I can see how many I did put it! It is melodramatic, but it's fun to write! And if you were in their position, then I think you'd be melodramatic!  
  
Snow Yeah it is disturbing... especially the Harry/Vernon stuff cringes   
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling! The plot however belongs to me!  
  
My hands shook as I finished the letter. I crossed the room and as I do I heard my Father nearing my door. I grabbed my owl and quickly attached the letter. My owl flew out of the window, out of sight and I desperately wished I could be with it, escaping my prison.  
  
"What are you doing boy?" The voice of my Father drifted through the now open door.  
  
"I don't see why I should explain myself to you..." I drawled calmly, turning to face him slowly. He shut my door silently and as he turned around I can see the malice and fire burning in his cold grey eyes. I gulped and closed my own eyes.  
  
Moments later I could feel his cold hands close around my neck. As I opened my eyes, he dragged me across the room. I slammed into the post of my bed and lost my balance.  
  
"Get up!" He hissed. His voice dripping with venom and edged with ice. I ignored his command, but he yanked me up, sneering.  
  
"Face me like a man!" He drawled, smirking the legendary Malfoy smirk. I glared at him, our eyes locked in a silent battle against wills. He raised his hand and hit me across my face. I slammed down onto the bed and slipped off the edge.  
  
Pushing myself back up, I glared at him. He punched me in the stomach and as I doubled over in pain, he kneed me in the face. I fell to the floor and groaned. I leant against my bed and he kicked me.  
  
"Fight back!" He yelled in rage.  
  
"No!" I whispered through clenched teeth.  
  
His eyes flashed with anger and he raised his wand.  
  
"Crucio," He muttered. The spell hit me in the chest. Immeasurable pain seared through my entire body. My very blood felt like it was on fire, and the walls of my veins made of ice. He watched me with a sickening pleasure.  
  
"Scream! Yell for help!" He teased.  
  
I remained silent. My eyes tight shut and breathing heavily. Giving him the satisfaction of hearing my screams repulsed me. My silence only seemed to anger him further. The excruciating pain stopped, but my body continued to ache all over. He raised his hand again, but I heard a shout coming from downstairs.  
  
"Lucius! The Ministry called, it's urgent!" my mother, Narcissa, yelled.  
  
I sighed as he left the room. Minutes later my mother entered. She took one look at me and gasped. She knew what he did to me, but had never seen the state he left me in. Usually he healed me, telling me I was too beautiful to be left disfigured. Only one scar remained on my body; a thin line on my stomach, just below my naval as a constant reminder of him.  
  
My mother sank to the ground next to me and took me in her arms. I rested my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes, wishing I could sit with her like this...forever.  
  
"It's okay, my lamb," She whispered softly.  
  
Hearing her voice soothed me slightly. It felt like I was sitting in her arms for hours before my Father came home. He sounded livid. He was screaming for my mother and terror boiled up inside me like hot lava. I looked up at her. I could see the fear etched across her face.  
  
She pressed her finger to my lips so I wouldn't speak and whispered, "I love you, my Draco, my son." She kissed my forehead softly and left.  
  
I crawled onto my bed and closed my eyes. I could hear him shouting at her. She had lied to him about the ministry to save me. Guilt crept up inside of me like a vicious monster, tarnishing my already darkened soul. Her screams echoed through the Manor. I buried my head in my pillow and felt warm tears slid down my blood stained face. I was back to the pit of darkness and misery with no one to save me. No one to be my guiding light.  
  
thanks for reading¬ Pleas review I love hearing from you guys! 


	6. Everytime

Warning: Slash implied this time...depression and some deep stuff. Disclaimer: I don't own anything...it all belongs to JK, but the plot is mine...oh and the song used belongs to Jive records A/N: I'm soooooo sorry it took me so long to update! This is Harry's POV and the song is called Everytime by Britney Spears...I just thought it went s well with this chapter and inspired me to write it! I'm not going to do personal thank you's this time because I want to get this up before I have to go! But thank you to everyone who reviewed and thanks for being patient! ----------------------------------------------  
  
I walked slowly onto Platform 9 and ¾ with Ron and Hermione behind me. They were chatting away about their summer with hardly a care in the world. They hadn't even bothered to ask about mine. I got a hug from Hermione and a joke from Ron as a greeting. They have forgotten about Sirius already, but then it's hardly surprising...they got together over the summer. I looked down at the floor as I walked, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. I felt that all eyes were on me, as thought they all knew what had happened to me over the summer. I felt disgusting and ashamed. A hand suddenly grabbed my arm.  
  
"Harry! Be careful!" Hermione said urgently.  
  
I snapped out of my day dream and realised I had nearly walked off the Platform.  
  
"Are you okay?" She whispered, looking into my eyes. All I can do is nod and force a weak smile. She did not look convinced, but I think she knew that if she pushed me I would lose my temper as I had so much last year. She steered me onto the train and found an empty compartment. She pushed me down on a seat as Ron walked in. They sat opposite me, hand in hand.  
  
"How was your summer?" Ron asked casually.  
  
"Fine..." I muttered avoiding eye contact with both of them.  
  
"We'll see you later Harry...we have our prefect duties to attend too..." Hermione told me softly. I knew they did not want to leave me, but had to.  
  
I gazed out of the window as the train started moving. The station blurred and was soon out of view. Suburban houses turned to fields by the time I decided to go for a walk. Keeping my head down I push the compartment door open and walk into the corridor. Now I was back, I could not push the summer out of my mind...my Uncle...the letter...Sirius' death...Draco.  
  
I walked into something hard and fell to the floor. I looked up to see who it was I had walked into. My eyes met stormy grey ones and I let out half a gasp. All he did was sneer down at me and mutter some incoherent words that I could not hear.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------- Notice me  
  
Take my hand  
  
Why are we  
  
Strangers when  
  
Our love is strong  
  
Why carry on without me?  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
I pushed myself up and did my best to glare at him. I could not help, but take in his physique. It looked like he had toned out over the summer, as I had. He was now shorter then me, but he still managed to look down his nose at me with an air of elegance mixed with arrogance.  
  
"Potter..." He spat, his voice dripping with venom. He pushed past me, causing me to fall back to the floor. He did not make any snide comment as he disappeared down the train.  
  
I sat on the floor, with my head in my hands. I had been hoping to see him, to have a conversation no matter how snide he was toward me. I had lived through the summer for him and now...he could not bear to talk to me.  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
Everytime I try to fly  
  
I fall without my wings  
  
I feel so small  
  
I guess I need you baby --------------------------------------------------  
  
I do not know how long I sat in the corridor for before I felt a pair of hands pull me up. I looked up to see Ron looking back down at me with concern written across his face.  
  
"Harry, what's wrong? Is it Sirius?" He whispered.  
  
I bit my lip and nodded. It was a lie...it was Draco. I pulled myself out of his grip and whispered, "Ron...I'll see you later..." It was all I could say to him. I ran down the corridor and into the toilets. Every stall was empty, thankfully. I looked into the mirror and sighed. I hated my reflection...I hated what I had become...I hated my life.  
  
I punched the mirror hard, causing it to shatter. I bit my lip as a shard of mirror cut my knuckle. Blood dripped into the sink and I watched it for a moment. I grabbed the biggest shard and locked myself in the end cubicle. Tears ran down my face and I closed my eyes. All I could see was Draco's face. His mysterious grey eyes, boring into mine. His skin that seemed to have an eerie glow, surrounding his perfectly formed rose-coloured lips.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
  
I guess I need you baby  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
I placed the glass shard onto my wrist and opened my eyes. I was about to cut myself when I heard the door to the toilet's swing open. I dropped the glass shard and heard a voice, swearing. Probably at the broken mirror and blood in the sink. I heard him banging on my door and heard his shouts. I realised it was Draco. I gasped as the door swung open.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------  
  
I make believe  
  
That you are here  
  
It's the only way  
  
I see clear  
  
What have I done  
  
You seem to move on easy  
  
---------------------------------------------------------  
  
He looked at the small cut on my wrist and the blood dripping from my knuckles. He frowned and opened his mouth to speak. I braced myself for the insult, but it never came.  
  
"Potter, what are you doing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. His voice was softer then usual.  
  
I looked at him in shock and whispered, "Nothing Malfoy...go away!"  
  
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the cubicle.  
  
"Doesn't look like nothing!" He snapped. I pulled my wrist out of his grip and pushed him away. His eyes locked with mine and I noticed emotion in them for the first time since I had met him. It looked like pain...  
  
"Why do you care?" I spat, before running out of the room.  
  
---------------------------------------------------  
  
I may have made it rain  
  
Please forgive me  
  
My weakness caused you pain  
  
And this song is my sorry  
  
--------------------------------------------------  
  
As I ran I pulled my sleeve down over my wrist and wiped the blood away on my knuckles. I went back to my compartment and sat down. He brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I rested my forehead on my arm and closed my eyes. The pain in Draco's eyes haunted my mind.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
At night I pray  
  
That soon your face  
  
Will fade away  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
As the scenery grew wilder outside and the lights came on in the train, Hermione and Ron returned. They did not speak as they entered. I looked up at them, their eyes full of concern.  
  
"I'm alright..." I told them, before they had chance to speak.  
  
"You can't shut us out Harry!" Hermione snapped.  
  
"Hermione, give it a rest!" Ron whispered, taking her hand.  
  
I looked away from both of them. The train slid to a halt and I stood and left before they could stop me. I made my way to the threstrals, and patted one on the nose. I felt someone brush past me, and realised it was Draco. I sighed and slipped into the carriage. I was joined by Ron and Hermione and the carriage swung into procession.  
  
------------------------------------------- Everytime I try to fly  
  
I fall without my wings  
  
I feel so small  
  
I guess I need you baby  
  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
  
I guess I need you baby ------------------------------------------- Thanks for reading! Please review and I'm sorry it took so long for me to update.  
  
Love you guys xXx 


	7. Dream Of Me

Disclamier: You know the drill...nothing belongs to me except the plot, or lack of. The song belongs to 'Get Over It', and the characters and everything else you regonise is woned by JK.Rowling.

Warning: Slash, blah blah...oh and a little bit of fluff. Don't like, don't read...simple as.

A/N: I'm so so so so sorry! I was really meant to update, but I was so uninspired! Just a quick word, then I will let you read it. The song is sang by Kirstin Dunst and is called Dream of Me. I'm not sure if I like this chapter, but I really wanted to get it out! Enjoy!

-------------------------------

As I followed my fellow Slytherins to the Great Hall, I glanced around. He was no where to be seen. I frowned, as I took my seat at the Slytherin table. Why would he want to harm himself? Why would he want to harm his perfect body? What would drive him to become so depressed? So trapped?

"Draco..." A voice cooed, interrupting my thoughts. I looked to my left as Pansy carried on, "What's wrong? Have I done something to annoy you? You've been so quiet..."

"No, Pansy. I'm fine..." I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

Silence fell over the hall as Dumbledore stood up. He must be here now, I thought to myself. I glanced up and spotted him. Our eyes met for a brief moment, before he turned away, looking at Dumbledore. I could vaguely hear the Headmaster making his start of term speech, but my concentration was fixed firmly on one thing....Harry. I sighed and closed my eyes for a second.

------------------------------------------------------

Let me sleep,  
For when I sleep I dream that you are here,  
Your mine,  
And all my fears are left behind,

--------------------------------------------------------

As I opened my eyes, the plates filled with food. I looked back up at Harry, but he was not looking back. His face was filled with so much pain, so much anger. I bit my lip, wanting to comfort him. I wished that I could just pull him into my arms and tell him that everything would be okay...but what am I talking about? He would not want me. I was a Slytherin and a Malfoy. Malfoys and half-bloods do not mix, as my Father constantly reminded me. Even though I hated him, more than I hated myself, I had to keep up the Malfoy Family Tradition. I had never been loved by that monster I called my Father. He had abused me since I was young, but I had to hide it. I could not break...I could not fall.

I noticed that he was not eating. I frowned, I couldn't understand why he had recluded back into himself so much. He was hiding, but no one seemed to notice. Granger and Weasley were argueing about summer homework, Thomas and Finnigan were fondeling eachother under the table and Longbottom was stuffing his face. The pain in his eyes broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Why could no one see it? Why were they all so obliviously happy, when Harry was so depressed? It angered me beyond words. I was his enemy and I was the only one who cared, who noticed. I felt my hands shaking in rage as his face grew sadder and sadder.

"Draco! Draco!" I heard Pansy screeching in my ear.

"What?" I snapped, tearing my eyes away from Harry.

Pansy looked hurt, but I did not care, really I didn't.

"I...I was...nevermind..." Pansy whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

I narrowed my eyes and yelled, "Fucking shut up Pansy! I don't care about you, and I never will! You're just a silly little girl. Haven't you noticed that I'm not interested?"

Every pair of eyes was on me. Some people were smirking, others looked shocked. Pansy burst into tears and cried into Millicent's shoulder. She glared at me, and muttered some swear words. Blaise was grinning from ear to ear and Crabbe and Goyle were still eating, totally oblivious. I stood up and stormed out of the hall. I could hear McGonagall's shouts after me, but I ignored them. I stormed across the entrance hall and out into the grounds.

Angry tears stung my eyes, but I would not cry...Malfoy's did not cry. I stormed down to the lake and sat down at the waters edge. The water rippeled silently in the night breeze and the Giant Squid was no where to be seen. As I gazed out across the deep black water, I felt relaxed and calmed instantly. The stars were reflected on the water's surface, which made me smile slightly. It reminded me of myself...my soul was so dark, so black, but there were flecks of light sprinkeled across my heart. Harry was my light, but his light was dimming. I felt a stray tear run down my face, and wiped it away quickly.

"Draco..." I heard a low voice whipser. I looked around and my stomach lurched. Harry was standing behind me.

----------------------------------------------  
I float on air  
the nightengales sing gentle lullabyes  
so let me close my eyes  
-----------------------------------------------

I stood up and turned to face him. My eyes immedielty turned to ice, and my face betrayed what I was feeling inside. I could not let Harry see I cared.

"What?" I snapped at him.

He seemed to flinch, but whispered, "What's wrong? Why did you just expload like that?"

"And it matters to you, why?" I hissed, glaring at himm.

"I...I...I just wanted to make sure you're okay..." Harry mumbeled timidly.

I desperatly wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to take him in my arms. He looked deeply hurt. I looked down for a second.

-----------------------------------------  
And sleep, a chance to dream  
so I can see the face I long to touch  
to kiss  
but only dreams can bring me this  
------------------------------------------

As I looked back up at him, I noticed a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"I'm fine, Potter. Is there anything else?" I sneered at him, a smirk forming on my lips. His face dropped.

"Oh...well, one more thing..." Harry whispered, taking a step closer.

My eyes locked with his as he moved closer to me. I could feel his breath against my lips. He closed his eyes and kissed me gently on the lips. It took a while for me to respond. I pushed him away hard and yelled, "What the fuck?" He just whimpered and ran back towards the castle.

I touched my lips, sub-consciencously and watched him flee back to the castle and disapper into the entrance hall. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. What had I just done? Why did I push him away? I sank to my knees and put my head in my hands. He had kissed me, and I pushed him away. Why was I so idiotic? He was possibly my only chance of happiness...I was his only chance. The longing in his eyes was almost painful.

-------------------------------------  
I hide beneath the clouds  
and whisper to the evening stars  
they tell me love is just a dream away  
dream away dream away dream away  
I'll dream away

-------------------------------------

Maybe, just maybe we could bring eachother the happiness we both so desperatly need. I looked out across the lake and the stars seemed brighter than before. I knew I had hurt him by pushing him away, but I was scared. It was all a shock...I was not ready for that, but now I thought about it, he was the only thing I wanted! To hell with being a Malfoy!

-------------------------------

So let the moon shine  
softly on the morn I long to see  
and maybe when he dreams  
he'll dream of me  
--------------------------------

I stood up and slowly made my way back to the Slytherin dungeons. I had to find Harry in the morning. I had to explain...he had to know how I felt. I passed the Slytherin Common Room and carried on walking. As I was a prefect I had my own room.

I came to a blank stretch of wall and whispered, "Silver flame..." The wall parted and revealed a black oak door with a silver door knob. I opened it and walked into my room.

The room was magnificent. There was a door leading to the slytherin common room, but it was password protected, and only Snape and I knew the password. There was a large four poster bed to one side of the room. It was covered in black silk sheets, with dark green hangings. The floors were covered in black marble slabs. There was a desk in one corner made from oak, and a large fireplace was on the opposite side of the room to the bed and desk. There was a black leather sofa, with green cushions and a green rug. The walls were of course Slytherin green and the finishing of the room was silver.

I made my way over to the bed, and stripped off my clothes. I slipped under the silk sheets, in silk black boxers and clapped. The lights went out and a fire sprang into place. It was no normal fire though. It was different shades of bright silver.

I curled up under the duvet and closed my eyes slowly. Harry's face filled my thoughts after I drifted off into my first peaceful nights sleep in a long time.

---------------------------

ooh ooh oooh oh  
  
Dream of me

----------------------------

What do you think? Please RR if you're still reading

Love you guysxXx


	8. Emotions

Disclaimer: Not mine, property and JK Rowling and whoever else. I'm just using her characters to have fun with;) Also the song featured is not mine, property of Destiny's Child and their associates.

Warnings: Slash, swearing…don't like it, don't read, simple as.

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated for ages! This chapter is a nice long one to make up for my lack of updating! I hope you enjoy it! I'm currently looking for a beta, so feel free to e-mail me if you are interested, also my beta can give me a kick up the arse if I don't update. As I'm English I would prefer an British beta as it would be easier, but if you're not British I don't mind…that's just my preference cause we speak differently to Americans, Australians etc! But again, I really don't mind if you're not British, I'm open to anyone really! Erm, one last thing, the poem is one of my own, written especially for this! Hope you enjoy! Don't forget to R+R!

As I entered the Entrance Hall, tears blurred my vision. I was so sure that I had seen something in those silver eyes. I was sure that under the ice he had looked at me with something more than malice and hate. I shook my head and wiped my eyes. Why was I so stupid? How could that prick like me? I was just kidding myself, but damn it! It hurt like hell! Why was he such an insensitive bastard? Why did he have to push me away?

Before I entered the common room, I managed to compose myself. I glanced around and saw Ron and Hermione sitting in the corner of the common room, together. I sighed and walked over as they saw me. I sat beside Ron on a soft armchair, but didn't look at them. It hurt so much to see them together, like that. It wasn't fair! I longed to be with the one I loved, but it was impossible, he hated me, but here they were, wrapped in each others arms, perfectly oblivious to my inner demons. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, willing myself not to cry, not to break.

It's over and done

But the heartache lives on inside

And who's the one you're clinging to

Instead of me tonight?

"Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione asked, sitting up to look at me. I opened my eyes and sank back into the armchair.

"Nothing. I'm just tired..." I replied, still not looking at her.

"Oh...alright Harry." She said, a little uncertain, but just sank back into Ron's arms.

Both of them started talking about some mundane events that had taken place over the summer, trying desperately to get me to join in. However, I resisted. I couldn't stand the inane conversations, so took out a piece of parchment and a quill. I set the parchment down on the table and dipped the quill into the ink. I didn't even have to think of what to write. The words just flowed freely through me. I hid my work from my two best friends, knowing they would question me. I looked down at the words and sighed to myself. I closed my eyes and the words were still etched into my mind; the words of my tortured soul.

'_Nothing hurts like life,_

_Nothings so tempting like the blade of a knife,_

_Lost in this world of tears,_

_Surrounded by my eternal fears._

_Living life when you feel broken,_

_Living life with words left unspoken,_

_Is more heart-breaking than you can dream,_

_Does all this sound too extreme?_

_If you knew how tortured my soul is,_

_If you knew how much I longed to hear that voice of his,_

_Whisper my name, utter 'I love you',_

_You would feel my pain too._

_But why do I fool myself? _

_He would never love me, himself._

_We are enemies, opposites in life,_

_That's why my hand reached for the knife._'

I stood abruptly, picking my parchment up. I turned to Ron and Hermione and said, "Night..." Then disappeared up the stairs, leading to the boys' dormitory. I quickly stripped down to my boxers and slipped into my bed. I pulled the hangings shut and starred at the ceiling. I bit my lip hard, so it bled. I knew I couldn't risk cutting myself here, someone could walk in. Tears ran down my face, wishing for him to be here with me. I felt myself shiver and curled up, trying to get warm, but it was impossible. I'd never be warm without him.

And where are you now, now that I need you?

Tears on my pillow wherever you go

I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean

You never see me fall apart

"Harry..." I heard Ron's voice enquire, but I ignored him. He soon left and the next thing I knew I had drifted into a restless sleep, full of dreams of blond hair and silver eyes.

"DRACO!" I yelled, as I shot awake. I sat up, dripping in sweat, and blushed as I realised what had happened. I could hear Ron scrambling out of bed, and I squeezed my eyes shut as he ripped the curtains open.

"Harry, are you okay?" Ron asked, looking down in concern.

I looked up at him, pushing my glasses on and mumbled, "Y...yeah, I'm fine."

"You yelled Malfoy's name out!" Ron said, frowning at me.

"Oh, I was just dreaming of smashing his face in." I said and quickly jumped out of bed and pushed past Ron into the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and leant against it, taking a deep breath. I glanced down at myself and decided that I needed a cold shower.

Fifteen minutes later, I emerged from the bathroom, dressed and calm. Ron was still looking at me weirdly, but I tried to ignore him. I grabbed my bag and left, Ron following. We waited for Hermione and made our way down to the Great Hall. Their hands were entwined and they were chatting away animatedly to each other, with me trailing behind them. We took our usual places at the Gryffindor table, facing the Slytherin table. I kept my eyes firmly fixed on my plate as I ate, but could feel a pair of eyes boring into the top of my head. I took a deep breath and looked up.

Silver met emerald as our eyes locked. The emotion that flowed through that one look was enough to kill a person. I starred back into the eyes I had learnt to hate, but had grown to love. I couldn't break the eye contact even if I wanted to. His eyes glazed over as he realised what had happen. He glared at me and turned away to talk to Blaise. I watched him as he spoke. The way his mouth formed the eloquent words that flowed from his mouth was breath-taking. He seemed different when he spoke to Blaise...more alive. His face broke into a warm smile as Blaise's did. I could feel my heart breaking in two as he spoke to the dark haired Slytherin.

In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion taking me over

Caught up in sorrow

Lost in the song

But if you don't come back

Come home to me, darling

Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight

Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

Goodnight, goodnight

I had never seen Draco smile like that before. The look in his eyes, the lust on his face as he spoke to Blaise. I could feel anger and rage well up inside me, burning like a furious fire. I frowned, and bit my lip to stop the tears falling. I stood quickly and ran out of the hall, ignoring the protests of Ron and Hermione. Unbeknown to me, a pair of silver eyes watched me leave, dying to be with me. I glanced down at my timetable and realised that I had double potions, with the Slytherins. I sighed and made my way towards Snape's classroom, and leant on the wall, waiting to go in.

I looked up as I heard footsteps coming toward me. I could see the silhouette of someone, slowly turning into the form of Draco Malfoy. I bit my lip and looked away quickly, trying desperately to ignore him. He stopped in front of me, but I didn't look up, until I felt soft fingers under my chin that lifted my head up. Our eyes met again and I found that I couldn't move. He moved slightly closer to me and I felt my breath catch in my chest.

"Potter," He breathed.

"Y...yeah?" I whispered, my voice faltering slightly.

"Why did you kiss me?" He asked, looking deep into my eyes.

I opened my mouth to answer, but he broke away from me as more footsteps echoed down the passage. Blaise and the other Slytherins came into view, and he left and took his place next to Blaise. I looked away again, as Hermione and Ron stood next to me.

I'm there at your side,

A part of all the things you are

But you've got a part of someone else

You've got to find your shining star

We trailed slowly into Snape's dungeon and took our usual places. He made his usual start of year speech, but I hardly listened. I just gazed at the back of a blond head. My eyes wandered over his body, which bought my attention to his and Blaise's arms, touching slightly. I felt more anger and pain wash over me. I couldn't even concentrate as we started mixing the potion, until I finally made my cauldron explode, in a flash of pink sparks.

"Potter! 20 points from Gryffindor AND detention." Snape yelled at me, "Now clean that mess up."

The whole class was starring at me, including Draco. I glanced up at him, and found myself blushing. I quickly ducked under the table and began cleaning, as the class returned to their potions. I finally stood up, but found him still watching me. I blinked in confusion. Why was he still watching me? He didn't care. He liked Blaise that much was obvious.

"Malfoy, concentrate." Blaise snapped at him.

"Fuck off, Zanbini!" Draco sneered.

I smiled slightly, but received a glare from Draco, who turned back to the potion he was brewing. I sighed and sat down, glaring at the floor.

Finally the torture of potions was over. I packed my things away quickly and made my way to the door.

"Potter!" Snape barked.

I stopped at the doorway and turned around. As I saw Snape beckon me over, I felt a sense of dread wash over me. I glanced over at Ron and Hermione and said, "I'll see you later…" Then walked slowly over to Snape.

"Your detention will be tomorrow night, in here at 7," Snape said, in a low hiss.

"Yes, sir," I mumbled and turned to leave.

I finally made it out of the classroom and began walking along the dimly lit corridor. I kept my eyes on the floor, scuffing my feet as I went. I had herbology next, with the Hufflepuffs. I walked past a dark corridor, not noticing the figure watching me. I took a few more steps, but was stopped as someone grabbed my wrist. I was pulled back and slammed into the wall. I looked up, but before I could see who was pressed against me, I felt lips crush onto mine. As soon as the lips touched mine, I knew who it was, instantly. I sank into the kiss, but soon the lips had ripped away from mine. I looked up at Draco, in slight shock.

"Don't ever come near me again, Potter!" Draco sneered.

"But you just kissed me!" I said, disbelief clear in my voice.

"Don't get used to it, Potter." Draco drawled, walking away.

It felt as if my whole world had shattered into a thousands pieces, as I leant against the wall. Tears dropped down my face as I slid down the wall and pulled my knees to my chest. I don't know how long I sat there for, everything just seemed a blur.

And where are you now, now that I need you?

Tears on my pillow wherever you go

I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean

You never see me fall apart

Why did that git just kiss me? He was playing with me, as he usually did. I couldn't believe that an individual could put someone through this much torture. What Voldemort had done to me, is nothing to what Draco was putting me through. I tried not to think of Draco, but I could still taste him on my lips. He tasted like vanilla, mixed with poison. He was intoxicating. He was taking over me. I needed him, but he would never need me.

My stomach started to rumble fiercely, which finally made me move. I pushed myself up slowly and wiped away the tears that were still flowing. I took a few moments to compose myself then headed towards the Great Hall. I knew I'd missed Herbology…Hermione would be furious. I walked into the Hall with my head bowed and sat beside Ron.

"Where were you?" Hermione snapped.

"No where…" I mumbled.

"Harry, you missed Herbology!" Hermione said, ice frosting her voice.

"Hermione, leave it." I heard Ron mutter softly. I could feel his eyes watching me. He laid a hand on my shoulder and asked, "Sirius, right?"

"What? Oh…yeah…Sirius…" I said, tonelessly.

Conversation seemed to end at that point, well with me anyway. Hermione and Ron tried to keep the chatter formal, but I barely heard them. I looked up at the Slytherin Table, my eyes landing on Draco. I felt a painful twinge at my heart, which grew and grew. It felt like my heart had been stabbed over and over, with the fragments of my broken soul.

I clutched my chest and gasped as the pain worsened. I quickly exited the hall, knowing Draco's liquid eyes were watching. Tears blurred my vision, as I stumbled clumsily back to Gryffindor Tower. Luckily I didn't run into anyone, and the common room was deserted. I made my way to my dorm and threw myself down on my bed.

What was happening to me? Why was I falling to pieces for Draco Malfoy? The one I had loathed, the one who had insulted my first friend, ritually tormented me, had now become my object of desire, my only reason for surviving. If you can call this surviving…existing could be used to better describe what I was doing.

In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion taking me over

Caught up in sorrow

Lost in the song

But if you don't come back

Come home to me, darling

Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight

Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

Goodnight, goodnight

I dragged my curtains shut and pulled out my penknife. I couldn't stand this feeling of frustration and agony much longer. I needed a release. I slowly dug the metal blade into my soft pink flesh. The knife finally slipped into my skin and blood came oozing out. Slowly, twisted ribbons of crimson blood entwined and wrapped themselves around my arm. I watched as the blood flowed, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. The pain was still there in my heart, but numbed by the physical pain in my arm. I watched, entranced by the sight of my anguish, dripping scarlet onto the bed sheets.

I soon dragged myself back to the harsh world of reality. I knew I couldn't stay in my blurry world of agony and blood for long. Ron could walk in, or worse Neville. I quickly walked to the bathroom, washed my knife and arm, then tugged my sleeve down. I closed my eyes for a moment, then left the dorm, walking slowly to Care of Magical Creature. I moaned, realising Draco would be in the lesson.

I was the last one to arrive outside Hagrid's hut. Hagrid nodded to me and began the lesson on Kappa's. Everything he said was just a slur. I couldn't concentrate, as I could feel a pair of eyes boring into the back of my head. I glanced back and my eyes met Draco's. He glanced away quickly, sneering something to Blaise. I distinctly heard him say my name, as Blaise glanced maliciously up at me. I narrowed my eyes, and turned back to Hagrid.

The rest of the lesson was spent making notes in the September sunshine, then we walked back up to the castle for Transfiguration, whilst the Slytherins wandered off in another direction. Transfiguration and dinner passed without incident.

I walked slowly back to the common room alone, as Hermione and Ron had said something about going for a moonlit walk. I turned a corner and found my path blocked. I looked up into the deep, dark brown eyes of Blaise Zanbini. I glared at him and tried to push past him. However, he grabbed the front of my shirt and slammed me into the wall.

"Keep your eyes off him, Potter!" Blaise spat, his face close to mine.

"What the fuck?" I snapped back.

"I've seen the way you watch Draco. He's mine, Potter." Blaise hissed, pushing me harder against the wall.

"You don't own him, Zanbini!" I sneered, trying to keep my cool.

Blaise smirked and said, "Not yet!" He tossed me to the floor and stalked off.

I sat for a moment, hardly able to believe what Blaise had just said. I knew that I had no chance now. Blaise was fucking gorgeous. Anyone would kill to go out with him, whether they were male or female. He had that perfect face, totally symmetrical. His body was toned and defined nicely, with a tapered waist, but not too much muscle. Of course, he was nothing compared to Draco, but he had to be the second most shaggable guy in the school, Draco obviously being first. It was common knowledge that they were both bisexual, most Slytherins tended to be.

I dragged myself back to the common room, and went straight to bed. I stripped down to my black boxers and slipped between the sheets, pulling the hangings closed. I pulled my glasses off and set them aside, as I lay back against the pillows. I sank against the soft feathers, feeling tears of anger, frustration and hurt flow down my cheeks, pooling on my pillow. I slowly drifted off into a tormented sleep.

And where are you now, now that I need you?

Tears on my pillow wherever you go

I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean

You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion taking me over

Caught up in sorrow

Lost in the song

But if you don't come back

Come home to me, darling

Don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight

Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight

Goodnight, goodnight

Thanks for reading. Love you guys mwah Don't forget to R+R!


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